This is not Dear Abby

You should probably almost never ask me relationship advice, not
because I lack the experience but because I lack the perspective you
are likely needing. You might even say I have had too much experience
in that department which is likely to happen when you have a habit of
maintaining several romantic-like relationships in the exact same
time-space continuum. This might also explain my top secret nickname
which I will never ever tell you.

When my roommate walked in the door crying last night my initial (and
internal) action was "why the hell is your face all wet?". Then I
remembered my secret New Year resolution to be a better friend which I
would guess to include compassion and at least empathy for those in
distress. I knew why she was upset, roommate number 2 had graciously
informed me of the situation earlier in the day, so I kind of had an
idea of how to respond. You see, her boyfriend has issued several
complaints about the lack of time spent together and how she never
invites him out with her friends. This particular incident was set off
by late night bar activities on Tuesday with former sorority sisters,
involving extremely large pitchers of beer and karaoke. Why any dude
would want to participate is beyond me.

Why any dude would act like a woman and complain about seeing his
girlfriend only four times a week is also beyond me. My limit is twice
a week, any more than that and I start feeling all icky and wrong on
the inside. Apparently some people appreciate their independence more
than others. I figure that it is highly probably that I will get
married at some point and when that happens I will be bound by the
vows someone coerced me into saying to spend every waking moment with
this other person, so right now I'd like to be selfish and only worry
about me me me and I guess I don't understand why other people don't
feel the same way. This is why I think I gave my roommate terrible
advice last night and now I do not know what to do about it.