Lately, I'll I want to do is write words but not just any words, very
certain words. Not words attached to deadlines or requirements or
scoring rubrics, just words that mean much more yet never quite
enough.
Momentarily, I'd like to disappear, to not tell anyone where I am
going or where I might be. I'd like to move away, not to run away but
to get away from where I know I'll end up otherwise.
He'll be touring the Middle East this summer he says.
Is that far enough away?
Or just nearer to my problem?
The life, that life, the one we're supposed to want, is standing right
in front of me. Except, every time I come close to accepting it, I'm
pulled and pushed and torn in other directions.
Today I spent time researching living situations and job opportunities
in miscellaneous North American cities. Escapism, they call it. But
I'm afraid the same problems and issues would eventually emerge no
matter which corner of world I seek refuge in. And if those are the
things I hate about this place, then I might as just address them
rather than run from them. If it is just the boredom that is obscuring
the beauty of this city and if it is just my own attempts at isolation
that are keeping me from living the life I'd like, then no change of
physical circumstance will remedy my restlessness. Warmer would always
be better, though.
4 comments:
*cough* runaway
all my problems died when i left the midwest.
a plant never transplanted never buds
or something
No matter where you live you still have "YOU" to deal with. And if you are not happy here and now you will find fault no matter where you live. Take it from me, I have lived all over the place, escaping to new places when life got to hard, tough or boring. But it is all the same. You would have to go pretty far to come outside yourself.
find the happiness that you have inside then move on.
hmmm...
contradiction
I've been looking at grad schools on both coasts. I think I need an ocean or something or just an excuse to read books and write silly papers for a few more years.
Well if you make it to the east coast let me know. Because the only time people go to Grad school on the east coast they usally end up on New England. So Good luck.
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