Running with scissors.

Spare time is a premium which I have not enjoyed for quite a few weeks
now and cannot expect to enjoy until at least May, the elusive
graduation date. After which, I am not sure what I will do with
underutilized moments of the day. Resume normal life functioning? I
have no idea what that means. Likely I will take on a multitude of
extra responsibilities because I am incapable of sitting still and
doing nothing. It must be the compulsive part of my "first born"
personality which prevents me from doing one thing at a time. TV
cannot be watched unless a subsequent activity is being completed.
Books cannot be read without music. Conversation cannot take place
with idle hands.

I was on the news last night. Local Channel 5. 6 o'clock.

Fernando, the puggle, says hello. He grows exponentially, it is insane.

So there is this newish boy. Hi if you're out there. But most of my
mind is still obsessed with the boy in China. Hi boy in China. And
somehow, even though this new boy is everything I ever said I wanted,
I have this suspicion that he will never make things feel the way
China boy did. And part of me thinks I say this and feel that just to
be dramatic, just because I find it inordinately impossible to accept
happiness. So my mind makes things up, like he is too nice, he is too
available, he is too needy, etc, etc, etc. I'm not ever sure if any of
that is true or if I am just searching for excuses. It isn't like any
of this is forever, but it is for now and sometimes now is much more
important than later.

But despite all of this internal dissonance, I am reasonably happy.
Things, you know, the things that every little american girl wants,
seem to be in place. The triangle peg fits in the triangle hole, the
square peg fits in the square hole, the octagon peg fits in the
octagon hole. And this is how it is all supposed to be.