Ask Me Anything.

I live secret lives. Ones that you don't know about. Ones some friends
know nothing of. A few that are never mentioned. Some that barely
exist. Others that I don't even know I live, that exist purely in the
minds of others who think they know me. I could say I don't know why I
do this. But that's a lie, but what's a lie but selective
misinformation. I have these urges to compartmentalize portions,
aspects, characteristics of my existence. To protect them, people,
myself? Who knows. Sometimes I wonder if it will all fall apart and it
will but I just don't know when. If barriers separating these lives
were ever broken then serious reconciliation would have to occur
between polar opposite personalities. Ideas would flow towards each
other and meet in a violent swell of conflict. Few things remain
constant between on or the other but a constant coldness pervades
each. Words cut like ice, emotions refuse to exist and its this
aloofness which protects the isolated existence of each component.

And its here where each lays splayed on a dissection table. Sometimes
I lack the energy to reconcile one mind with another. But I always
come back because at some point I find myself clinging desperately to
what I think is reality only to end up unsure that anything is real. I
just want more.

He calls me cold, unscrupulous, calculating.
He calls me beautiful, amazing, gifted.

Both of them are right. I am all of those things.
But who do you think I will choose.

It really comes down to this. My personality is merely a reactive
collection of behaviors and emotion that respond directly to the
situation and to the person. And it's true, some people bring out the
best of you and others the worst.