Last Week

I had a date with a former lover. I didn't keep it because I knew
exactly what would happen. We'd momentarily fall back in love purely
for the sake of comfort and familararity. And that's just the kind of
thing I don't need right now. What I need is to be simply alone,
surrounded by nothing but quiet, empty air, and maybe some sunshine.

I used to think that love and being in love went hand in hand. I now
find it very hard to love but find it easy to be in love. But the
latter only lasts so long. Moments, sometimes weeks, rarely any
longer. The hotness then coldness doesn't bother me much, because that
is how I am with everything, but it bothers other people and
rightfully so. I have this mentality that there will always be more,
that there is a certain infiniteness to everything in this universe.
And maybe that's the wrong way to approach a short life but thinking
about things in any other way is stifling.

I am being constantly reminded that my undergraduate career is coming
to an end rather quickly, as if I hadn't noticed. I am being barraged
with questions as to what I am going to do and if I have any gradiose
plans to alter the course of the universe. I've become a little
disheartened because I can no longer seriously entertain
accomplisments of such scale. I'd just kind of like to exist, to get
by, to just breath in and out.