And it's killing me, more fast than slow.

Random visits. Phone calls. Text messages. Emails. Telegrams (just kidding).

I am suffocating. It seems that there may be some truth in the zodiac.
Because this Aquarius + Pisces alliance is purely stifling. Or maybe I
am merely searching for excuses for why I can't seem to make this
work. Perhaps it's the lack of mystery that would at least motivate
some sort of interest on my part. There are no flutters of
uncertainty, no praying to the Gods above for a phone call. No, just
attentiveness, responsiveness, and startling honesty. Things that
normal people would probably find themselves content with, but me, I
find them incapacitating. Security, stability, and trust are simply
frightening. I'd rather date the ex-convict. At least that is
interesting.

But I think, above all else, what bothers me most is the lack of
passion. I just can't seem to find it and I know it is completely and
utterly inappropriate to compare this boy to the last boy, but I have
to and things are just not the same. We've arrived at the critical
point, where I could continue on pretending everything is fine and
lovely when it is clearly not or I could find the words to say
goodbye, to somehow explain my apparent insanity to someone who is all
together unaware of its existence. Both sound hard. But I keep being
told life is only a series of hard decisions and despite the obvious
pessimism I am finding it to be true lately.

Part of me says to get over myself, to look beyond these excuses and
to extend the benefit of doubt to this boy. Who am I kidding though,
there's no way I am going to change my own mind. Maybe in the meantime
I should communicate my need for space but people usually take that
the wrong way. I am not trying to be cold or heartless, it's just the
way I operate. I'd just like to find someone who could understand
this, who might even like that I encourage to living of separate
lives.

The puppy says hi.
And I need a vacation.
That is all.