I am entirely frustrated with this paper that was returned to me on
Monday evening. I knew it wasn't going to be good, since I was already
very aware that neither my writing style nor my argument were going to
coalesce well with the teaching assistant who was to grade it.
Gathering from the criticisms she bestowed upon an earlier paper, I
had the opportunity to alter my sentence structure and word usage so
that it might be closer to what she had in mind. However, this was not
an english course, this was not a journalism course, this was a
political science class where my academic voice was entirely
appropriate for the topic matter being discussed. Nevertheless, she
apparently felt as if my create license of certain words and my
sometimes cumbersome sentence structure detracted so much from my
paper that it deserved the worst marks any paper penned my me has ever
warranted.
What frightens me most is that she circled several words and put
question marks by them as if she had to look them up in a dictionary
and this is fine, she is not a native English speaker. BUT I cannot
help but wonder if perhaps my colloquial use of some phrases, words,
etc. might have been lost in the cultural and linguistic divides. By
all means, this was a solid paper. It had structure, consulted
numerous scholarly sources, and it actually had a point. If over 30%
of the words used had to be looked up, then I have to question her
competency. This reminds me of the feedback I had received on several
assignments from one of my courses in the school of journalism, the
ones which asserted that my writing style was lofty and "too
creative". These combined experiences force me to consider hiding in
the english department for the remainder of my college career, where
"creative" writing is encouraged, and they also contribute to my
growing apprehension about graduate school.
Plainly, this semester has made me feel stupid. So stupid that I feel
like I should not have earned a high school diploma, let alone have
been let into a university. I am frustrated about how there is no
correspondence between time put in this semester and grades earned. I
am confused because what used to my academic strength, writing, has
become my weakness and I have no idea how to fix this. This is why
even though I have a final exam this evening, I do not plan on
studying because the effort would not produce anything beyond
mediocrity. Next semester, I will place emphasis on finding the
richest man possible to marry me. Then I can produce some kiddies and
go shopping every day and not have to worry about my inadequacy.
2 comments:
I disagree with you. English, at my university, is one of the least tolerant disciplines for less conventional essays. Though graders are generally amicable to fancy words, they don't tolerate differences in form. Philosophy, in contrast, does. If you can present an analytical essay with razor-sharp clarity, you can use pretty much any form you want.
That's my opinion, at least.
Luckily, my English department is filled with failed writers looking only for someone to discuss underappreciated authors with and it is therefore fairly easy to earn their admiration. It might also be because all of these professors are dirty old men who get crushes on cute girls who use big words.
Besides, philosophy requires individual thought, quite a task if your brain is underdeveloped or if you are lazy. I once took a philosophy course which resulted in an illicit relationship with my teaching assistant. I have since avoided the department and its course offerings at all costs.
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