That was my old man and he said/If all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

I need some inspiration, like a terribly dysfunctional relationship
based purely on physical attraction complete with middle of the night
phone calls and drunken escapades and completely random vacations to
no where with a traumatic break up and evil looks thrown over
shoulders when we pass each other on the icy cold streets. I need
that. Real bad. It would at least be passionate and passion is the
best cure for a winter season I am already dreading.

Stability, respect, and love always end up boring me to death so I
don't know who I am kidding when I say that is what I want.
Self-destructive relationships are my speciality, so it's not as if
forming one would be difficult. I know just where to look and just who
to call. But that seems too easy and I am sick of easy. Find me a
conquest so impossible that it will be tragic and that you will laugh
at my patheticness. That sounds wonderful.

Without some sort of project to occupy my time I will fall into an
abyss of depression that I will be unable to claw my way out of this
spring.