Asking too much.

I am thought-less today.
Thank the lord above.
And I mean thought-less like I do not have any thoughts, original or otherwise.

This boy I have been thinking too much about, everyone is right. He is not for me and no matter what psychological powers I exercise upon myself, this will not change.

He is not cute enough. He is not smart enough. He is not right enough.

That is my problem, I am much too willing to settle and then I go ahead and waste months and months of precious life wandering in unhappiness. And then I make a commitment to being alone, and then I wander some more in some different unhappiness. Maybe it is never actually unhappiness, just restlessness and discontenment (which, is totally different than unhappiness).

I want someone to hold my hand in Prague. I want someone to teach me French in Paris. I want someone to carry my packages while I roam the markets in Taiwan. I want someone to wake up beside me in an impossibly small apartment that is even more impossibly messy. I want someone to kill the icky bugs in my bathroom so I don't have to. I want someone to love me that knows more about the world than I ever will. I want someone who truly believes he can save the world. I want someone who believes in aliens and ghosts. I want someone that tells me I am ridiculous for being a Republican. I want someone who makes me step outside of the safety net I have created. I want someone to tell me to forget the future, live now.

I need to get out of this place. There is nothing challenging about a routine. There is nothing engaging about the straight and narrow path. Where does the straight and narrow path go? Probably no where.