Monday, April 04, 2005

Let's play puppets

From a young age I have been highly, to the point of annoying, inquisitive. The subject of my third grade poetry project was the "purpose of life" in which I explored reasons and motivations of the state of being, in iambic pentameter. The completion of the project prompted a parent teacher conference about my sanity. In fifth grade I founded the philosophy club where we often discussed fate, destiny, and the role of religion. My favorite theory, which I probed to exhaustion, was that of destiny and the idea that humans were mere players in the hands of some greater power or even a 4th dimension dwelling civilization. I'm not really sure where I found my inspiration.

There were even times where I believed that the whole entire world as I knew it was created as a sort of game just for me, where all the people (except me), places and things knew it was fake. Then "they" stole my idea and came out with the Truman Show starring Jim Carey. And then I realized I was just egotistical. If I were the center of this very universe, I would be a really pathetic example of the pinnacle of human life. So pretty much from the age of ten I've struggled with what exactly it was that I should do with my life because I am obviously here and it since doesn't look like my grand purpose will be revealed to me anytime soon I should probably do whatever has the greatest potential to produce happiness. Besides, if my puppet theory still holds true, then I'm already predestined to drink some coffee in two minutes, have Subway for lunch, and do whatever I end up doing.

Maybe that's a cop out, maybe that's my acceptance of the fact that it probably doesn't matter. Most of the time I am tragically optimistic, putting too much faith in the belief that things will just happen. At least that way when it doesn't work out I can comfort myself with the idea that it will all work out in the end. So far, that way of thinking has gotten me through some trying times when all I could do was wait for tomorrow. And maybe by putting so much faith in the future I'm neglecting to live life now...who knows.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

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I can remember being young and thinking universal centrallity, riding down the road with mom at some real early age, thinking we may be driving to a scene where i see everyone i ever met, and they tell me "surpsie! just a game! your really the king of the world!"

An interesting common occurence that i think may be linked with our intake of heroic television.

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Anonymous said...

Could be, though the only television permitted to view was Sesame Street and Reading Rainbow. I always thought it was just a developmental stage. Kinda like how parents teach babies through the game of peek-a-boo that even though something is hidden, it's still there.

Anonymous said...

Yes, a developmental stage on the old hierarchy, but affected by the art of story, perhaps. I've taken my psychology courses but have forgotten the terminology and the different psychologists--though I have high regards for Freud, even though he has been largely disregarded.

Anonymous said...

Just your luck, Freud and his gang of psychoanalysts are coming back into favor at least in the realm of describing and categorizing political leaders. In fact, I'm taking an entire class about it.

I've always been a Freud lover, even though much of my undergraduate career the mere thought of Freud has been shunned. I think a lot of his theory has a practical application...though some of it can seem quite far fetched.

About Me

I like run-on sentences and also syntax based loosely on the approved constructs of grammar.