Post #100

You know, right now sucks. I think I have come to the conclusion that being smart isn't really all that fun or rewarding. Sure, you can practically recite any fact from the encyclopedia, read Hemingway in 20 minutes, and perhaps even balance chemical equations inside your head. But when you are always thinking, analyzing, and doing other smart people things you are not happy. One can never accept things for what they are. There is a constant search for a reason, an explanation, a justification that sometimes plainly does not exist.

Besides, people hate you a lot more when you mess up...as if you aren't allowed to make mistakes. Trust me, I used to have a really hard time dealing with mistakes and being wrong...well I still don't like being wrong but I can deal with messing things up here and there. I mean really, today I want nothing more than to gouge my eyes out with the letter opener and/or stapler. That however, would not be responsible and smart people are supposed to be that too.

I told my bestest friend in the whole widest world times two that I think I will just start doing drugs or something. He got really mad at me, not because it would make me unsmart but because he said it was too expensive. I said "okay". Then I laid on the bed that's in his room but really in the dining room that doesn't have any walls in the ghetto apartment he shares with his way too nice roommate. This was last night by the way. Then I asked "how many girls have laid in this bed naked since the last time I showed you how to wash your sheets?"

"Five or six" he nonchalantly replied. "Hmm, let's go get ice cream" said me. So we did, kind of. We drove really way too far away then we needed to find a grocery store, so far my the time we got there I didn't really want ice cream anymore. I decided I wanted pretzels, but after meandering through the bakery area I ate some cookies intended for those under 12 years of age and decided donuts would be much better. Donuts and diet soda, it reminded me much of something I would eat while intoxicated. But then we went home and talked some more and then we came to the conclusion that one day we might just get married just to piss people off. It would be a cheap wedding because nobody would come and that's okay by us.

Then I remembered it is good to have friends that know you really well and now that I remember my realization from last evening my urges to gouge my eyes out aren't so strong. I really do appreciate our weird, very messed up, full of sexual tension relationship. I like the chaos and uncertainty, thanks. Now I will return to my regularly scheduled work program of pretending to do stuff but really not.