Lets set politics aside

You know, like up until 3am Sunday morning I had nearly given up on the manly gender. For some reason I am only able to attract the following types of men; pompous assholes who think they're the prettiest little things ever, bad ass pricks who treat me like crap (and I secretly love it), or insane wackos destined to become serial killers. You probably think I'm kidding but I've honestly dated a man who thought he was so beautiful that he turned gay, one who called me bitch and cunt instead of Lindsay, and yet another who spent his spare time torturing small animals. It came to the point that I considered joining a convent (not really, but close). I wasn't sure if my behind was secretly adorned with a sign exclaiming "hey, if you're a loser...date me!" or if I just have seriously poor luck in the man department. Either way, my options weren't all that appealing.

As luck would have it I went to a party with one of my guy friends who promised me there would be cute, available men present. I obligingly agreed to go, assuring myself if their weren't hot men, at least they're would be massive amounts of free alcohol. To my complete surprise, there were actually nice guys there...so nice that I didn't even need to pollute my blood with malt liquor so I could convince myself that these dudes were the least bit attractive in any way. I did something so un-Lindsay like that it is worth blabbing on and on about, I attended a party without consuming one drink AND still had a good time.

Maybe it was because I was wearing my "hot damn, look at that ass" pants or maybe it's my irresistible charm or still yet my keen intellect accompanied by finely tuned wit. Whatever, that shit don't matter. I got a date and it'll probably be my first real date in a looong time since I spent many of my weekends with fraternity men who arrived at my door step already sloppy drunk. I guess when you help someone find the toilet to puke it, it isn't really a date anymore. Shoot, at this point I'd think a sit down dinner at McDonald's was high class. So really, this is my message to mankind, nice guys don't finish last. Whoever said that was really truly a conniving asshole who was just trying to get a few sessions of sympathy sex. I respect the man who can control his hormones long enough to actually get to know a girl.

So that's right, I'm back for business. Leave your name, number, and potential earnings prediction with my secretary and I'll do my best to schedule you in. <3