Now.

He smiles at me a lot and I tell him it's creepy. He seems fascinated by my jawline and collar bones, likes to torture me by tickling me until I scream, I tell him I hate it but really secretly love it and I have a feeling he knows it. He tells me that everyone is ticklish but no one can be tickled by someone they hate. I say, "then I must not hate you as much as I thought".

It's the kind of thing that's doomed, the kind of situation that can't end well. I know what kind of girl he wants and it most certainly isn't me. Around him, I've let my guard down in the way you only can if you've known someone for a long time and for some reason, I'm thinking this is a bad thing. There's no going back, there isn't a whole lot of mystery leftover after ten years of friendship.

So, I've convinced myself to let go of any expectations and do what I do best, enjoy the moment. Because the thing is, I can't remember the last time I've participated in so many make out marathons and cuddle fests. These were things acutely lacking in my last relationship where affection seemed perfunctory. And let's be honest, sometimes it's nice to fall asleep next to someone even though you know that someone may not be there forever.