Stuck.

When he says he loves me, I believe him, though I wish with all my heart that I wouldn't. When he says he thinks about me every day, I fight hard to resist reciprocating the sentiment, but my resolve always fails. When his name shows up on caller ID I urge myself not to answer, but I always do. When I erect some ill conceived coldhearted wall, he manages to obliterate it in mere moments. And when he walks out my door as quickly as he came, I spend days and weeks attempting to convince myself that I'm over it.

And just when I've managed to coerce myself into thinking I've moved past him, I am incapacitated by the most inconsequential of memories. It's grief for the loss of something I never really had. I can't quite figure out how to let it go.

I could never be the other woman, even though that's what it seems the billionaire is seeking. As he stumbles quickly towards matrimony, I don't think it's me that he's missing. The gravity of his life choice is weighing down and he's grasping onto a fantasy because he is facing a kind of uncertainty completely unfamilar to him. He has everything he ever wanted right in front of him and he's finding it isn't enough. I'm of the opinion that if you're going to do the forever thing you really deserve to be deeply and madly in love. But he's settling for something lukewarm and easy. I don't think he deserves me but I think he deserves more than what he's got.