Dear My New Boyfriend

Denim 3-piece tuxedo? Really???

So you have this crazy beard thing going on and people on the internet seem to think you have questionable hygiene habits but I found this picture of you from when you were younger (or just a phase?) and beardless so I think you have some potential. Also, you come from Texas and there are few things in Texas that I don't like, though I don't know how someone from Texas gets a name like. Oh wait, Wikipedia tells me you were raised in Venezuela, but the name still doesn't make sense.


Look, you are a paper doll. I was obsessed with paper dolls once upon a time ago.

I see you are in a band and stuff and you are actually pretty charming in those You Tube videos you seem to like making. My friend Tony showed me this one


where you are talking about why albums are awesome, and I think that's great but it was kind of boring watching you play show and tell for seven plus minutes. Besides thinking you are smelly, people on the internet also seem to think you are pompous but after watching several hours worth of your interviews you seem pretty okay to me, besides if you found things to talk about with Natalie Portman, I think I could hold your interest. Was she boring? She always looks as if she is bored but maybe she is contemplating the universe's most important mysteries.

Maybe we should be MySpace friends?