I clutch to it in desperation, out of only and purely fear. And at first I fought for its preservation, defending its ill constructed confines, falsely assuming that this union generated happiness. I nearly begged, I baked cookies, I picked up after him.
He gave me an opportunity for escape and instead of shamefully pleading for another chance, I let go.
I pushed him far and way and I watched as he faded out to black.
He reached out and I was no longer there and everything I had ever felt for him melted away as if it were never there to begin with.
Waves of fear did not wash over, knock me down, drown me.
The gripping fingers of forced conformity released one by one and instead of uncertainty I found conviction.
I wasn’t sad. He was upset because of it. He didn’t understand that I never needed him or the false security of his carefully contrived life.
He gave me an opportunity for escape and instead of shamefully pleading for another chance, I let go.
I pushed him far and way and I watched as he faded out to black.
He reached out and I was no longer there and everything I had ever felt for him melted away as if it were never there to begin with.
Waves of fear did not wash over, knock me down, drown me.
The gripping fingers of forced conformity released one by one and instead of uncertainty I found conviction.
I wasn’t sad. He was upset because of it. He didn’t understand that I never needed him or the false security of his carefully contrived life.
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