Compelling darkness folds around me.

I think I would like a different boy to be in love with each day of
the week. Mark on Mondays, Tom on Tuesdays, William on Wednesdays,
Terry on Thursdays, Frank on Fridays, Sam on Saturdays, Seth on
Sundays. I say this because my silly little heart changes its mind
about boys as soon as you put the distance of a day between he and I.
Every day is certainly a new beginning in my little world. Maybe it's
the sunshine that forces the smile and the bounce in my step, but then
again it might just be my shoes. But right now happiness is
inescapable and I have no idea why. Maybe because I know deep down
inside that there are lots of boys out there to love and about half of
them just might love me back. And the newness of that kind of thought
is what excites me.

Last night I sat on my front porch and let the warm rain drip, fall,
and splash slowly, let it soak my white white dress and I watched the
cars drive by and began to wonder where they were going and if they
might have been happy and if they had ever been in love. My hair was
dripping wet and plastered across my forehead and the most curious of
all smiles was splayed across my face. It was brilliant really. And
then my poor neighbor approached and I am sure he thought me to be
crazy well before he saw me sitting in the rain, but I am okay with
that because I am the least neurotic person you may ever know. But he
can think what he wants and he asked me if I was okay and I told him
perfect, absolutely perfect. He gave me one of those curious but I'm
not going to ask looks that people give me quite often and he walked
inside and shut his door, locked it too. I guess I would have done the
same. Actually no, I would have been like baby, why don't you come
inside and I'll take off your clothes, do you right and give you a
reason to smile. But that's just me.

You know, I was supposed to see the ex-convict again last night but I
lied and told him I was going home, little did he know I was hiding
behind the curtains of a house only a half a block away from his.
Well, he probably did know because my car was parked out front. I'm
not worried about it because he is way shadier than I could ever be so
there isn't any chance that he would call me out. If he does, I'll say
I was doing my boyfriend. He would then say, I didn't know you had a
boyfriend and I would say yes you do, I told you last Thursday when
you tried to put your hand up my skirt the first time and the second
time and the third time and the fourth time when you said you wanted
to show me your basement. Bet that wasn't all he wanted to show me.
But he would blame all that on me, saying that I looked too hot or
something equally ridiculous, what am I supposed to do, look un-hot? I
don't how that works but it doesn't sound like fun.

This is the summer of reading, have I told you that yet? Probably.
Anyhow, if you have any book recommendations I will fully take you up
on them especially if they are slightly pornographic in some way, I'm
going to need books like that once this boy leaves me to go do
prostitutes from Thailand for the next year or so. Which of course is
the only reason he is going.

He says we should meet up in Europe next summer and that does sound
terribly romantic but I have a slight problem with making long term
plans, especially romantic ones because I am not a teller of the
future and what if by that time I am completely in love with the
perfect man, would I still have to go? I probably would just because
I am nice and it would be a terrible thing because we would have to
stand beneath the stars on beautiful cobblestone streets where
everyone around us would be whispering in unfamiliar languages and I
would just have to kiss him.

And then we'd have to go to Prague because it is the life long dream
of mine and it would be just like this story I wrote for my first
college English course where we were supposed to write about an
impactful life event that had transformed our perspective, since I
thought that would be a terribly boring thing to write I instead wrote
about how my life would end up if all of my dreams ever came true and
I ended up in Prague sitting in a café near the Vltava River drinking
from a chipped tea cup not regretting a thing. I got an A on the
paper, the only A in case you were curious. Never follow the rules. So
if we're going along with that little philosophy then quite obviously
no matter what is happening in one year I should most definitely meet
this boy in Prague, so long as he doesn't bring too many prostitutes
form Thailand.

Tonight I'm going to find this secret lake that is supposedly in my
neighborhood and I am going to walk around it and tell it how
beautiful it is and maybe I'll take pictures, maybe not.