Hi.

It is mysteriously quiet at work. The phones are not ringing, little
fingers are not click klacking on keyboards, copies aren't being made.
I think everyone is golfing, the greatest excuse for not working ever
made by men. The equivalent activity for women would be shopping I
think. It provides just enough oppurtunity for competition and allows
for excessive compliments to be given. Instead of "nice shot!" it's
"you look hot!". When I rule to world, all business negotiations will
take place during an afternoon of trying on shoes.

I am known in my social circle and probably beyond for not answering
my cell phone and people mostly think this is funny and quirky and
slightly annoying. But there is a good reason. There are a lot of
people I just don't wish to speak to now or in five years or ever.
However, now that I am using my cell phone as my work phone I have no
choice but to answer the phone, no matter what the number is. I was
having good luck for a few days, no chance encounteres with unwanted
conversationalists, until today when I answered "This is Lindsay" and
the reply was "Hey heyyyyyyyyyyyy". I instantly knew who it was and my
first reaction was to drop the phone and run away. But no, instead I
acknowledged that yes it has been years since we have spoken and no, I
don't hate you even though yes I certainly do. So somehow I agreed to
go out tonight with him and his gangster friends. After hanging up,
the first thought which occured to me was, I might be killed. Sounds
fun!

I've developed a new component for my quest for world domination at
work. It is called "wear 4-inch heels so you are as tall as Kareem
Abdul Jabbar, which for the record in 7'2", so that nobody can say no
to you". It has been sucessful so far. People run in fear and comply
to every request.