The world slows down.

Why does it feel like I would be settling?
Since when would achieving every little American girls dream be a disappointment?
(It was never my dream)
When are a house in the suburbs, church on Sundays, and country club dinners not enough?
(When they aren't what you think you want)

At the same time it comes as a relief.
It means I can stop trying, stop working, stop worrying.
Stop living my life?
Is that what it has to come down to?
Do you have to trade security for being an individual?
Sometimes I wonder.

I have gone crazy.
I need to run away for real now.

At least it is sunny outside.
That makes me happy no matter what is or isn't happening.

Even though someone was murdered in the very place I was standing mere hours before.
Even though someone else was murdered two blocks where I occasionally spend the night.
They say, this is the world take it or leave it.
Suddenly things behind a white pickett fence appear a lot better.
Suddenly the grass is greener on the other side.

Now it seems my life has come down to this.
A decision between one life and another and how can this be.
I was certain that this was a new century but I feel like the glass ceiling has not disappeared, it has descended, and surrounded, and suffocated.
Reality is always an illusion.