Something like a phenomena.

He keeps telling me who I am and what I'm like and I just half to laugh on the inside.

The joke is on you.

You see and perceive exactly what I allow you too.

You react precisely how I have anticipated.

I am the mastermind.

You think you are.

But that's the whole point.

Silly games with silly boys.



Oh the irony.

Why do I care about your falsely conceived perceptions?

Or about what those perceptions lead you to believe?



I tell you about my hundreds of boyfriends because I know you don't want to hear it.

I act pretty and dull-witted and coy because I know that's what you secretly want.

I act unemotional because I am.

Towards you, towards him, towards them, towards me.

You ask me if I know what I'm looking for and of course I do.

Someone that makes me care in all of the right ways.

But I can't tell you that because you will sputter yards and yards of useless compliments and you'll tell me how I should be feeling and don't you get it?

It isn't what I need.

I will not engage in self-trickery.

I will not enter into a world of delusions where words like love and lust and forever are used with no intention of ever finding out what they actually mean.

Been there, done that I would have to say.



I grow old, I grow old.

And more tired of all this.

I have this feeling that things always and eventually fall into place.

I have enough faith in something to realize that in order to truly live life you can't waste time planning it out.

You have to let things be.

I could say where I'd like to be in five years but what would it matter.

Things change, people change, places change.

I won't waste my breath.

But it's the same reason why when people ask me what I want to be when I grow up I say the same thing.

Everything I answer.

Goals function better in the abstract anyhow.



I just don't understand why you're in such a rush.

You say you're just excited because you don't meet people like me very often.

Maybe they just run away.

I need space and time.

I need to think my own thoughts and make my own feelings.

I wish you would understand because I'm not saying I could never like you.

I just don't like you so much right now.