I am mostly contemplative today, nearly at peace. This might have something to do with the progress made on a term paper due this Tuesday. Comparatively to other years, other courses, other papers, Sunday is quite early to think about something due on Tuesday. I had free time and I was fueled by chocolate, sex, and a seven mile run. That's a lot of endorphins and perhaps that's the solution to my current disinterest in life. I am under-stimulated. That's good, it's fixable.
So it seems that I am by the technical definition, dating two boys and the thought has just occurred to me, how would boy 1 react if he knew about boy 2? Boy 2 consequently already knows of boy 1 and feels threatened by his continued presence in my life, as he should. Then the thought occurred to me, why can I not have two boyfriends? Are their laws? Rules? Societal dictates?
(probably yes)
Either way, boy 1 wouldn't care enough to say anything and boy 2 will take what he can get.
Okay, now I feel better about all of that.
I'm not doing anything terribly unjust, except for playing cruel games with vulnerable hearts.
But what's new.
I should sleep, but I can't and I will try but it won't work and I will stare into the darkness until 4:00am and then wish that I could sleep until 11:00am and maybe I will even though I shouldn't and then I will go to work and feel guilty that I failed to attend class and I will go home and write, write, write papers, papers, papers and I won't be able to sleep all over again. What a terrible world. Why is it that lately sleeping during the daytime seems easier?
Someone from the deep, dark past has been calling me, leaving enticing messages and I'm no longer able to determine if calling him back would be good or bad. Funny thing about time is that it conveniently allows you to pack away all the bad things so that you know that you shouldn't do something but you can't figure out why that is. Obviously, returning the telephone calls would be an error, at least part of me would like to think so. The other part says why the hell not, live a little, take a chance. So tempting.
3 comments:
1. I think you are pretty, but it is hard to tell in the dark.
2. There are rules. But you can do fine without them. It might just catch up with you in an unfavourable way later.
1. I am hiding in the dark.
2. Who cares about later?
Since we're into the whole numbering thing:
1. The dark picture reminds me of college and dark, stoney dorm rooms. Bottoms up! or something like that.
2. Fuck the rules. College is all about not following rules. Hell, the rest of life is about not following rules.
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