Since you've been gone.

Today the alarm clock went off at 6:30AM and as I became conscious I
found that a cloud of depression was staring down at me from my
ceiling. It said, getting out of bed would be a terrible thing to do
today. It told me that I was worthless and stupid and had not future,
so why bother. I said okay, maybe you are right Mr. Cloud, so I put my
head back on the pillow and drifted off to sleep despite the fact that
the train tracks next to my house are being hacked apart and put back
together by men with loud speakers and orange vests. Every time I
opened up my eyes, there it was, shaking its finger at me as a
reminder that an effort to defy it would be futile.

So the hours pass and I missed that class and this class and some
other class and I had messed up dreams about fast cars and tree houses
and hot dudes. Then the man with the loud speaker says "let's get this
done you lazy assholes" and I laugh because little does he know that
there are people in those houses that surround those train tracks and
that they all just heard him call his unionized crew a bunch of
assholes. So it quickly became 10:45 and it was decision time, do I
call into work and pretend to be sick or do I find the shortest,
tightest, skirt I own and put it on with four inch stilettos and a
slutty blouse and prance down the hallways at work and flirt with
anything that moves? Obviously, so take that Mr. Cloud of worthless,
unfounded, unnecessary depression.

Maybe I'm not brilliant, maybe I'm not perfect, maybe I won't be the
supreme ruler of the universe but I do know how to look like a hot
slut without actually being one. I certainly know how to be a tease,
they do send girls to Catholic schools for a reason. I know how to
make married men question their faithfulness and make all the pretty
girls hate me with a single glance and that is a big accomplishment if
I do say so.

I am going to stop worrying over what I am going to do post-graduation
and just be fine with the fact that I have no idea and should probably
clear my mind with a year long vacation from reality in some beautiful
place where I can just disappear.

So tomorrow I am going to go to class and maybe I will listen and I
might take notes and I will do it with a smile on my face just because
you can't be a student forever so I might as well enjoy it while it
lasts. I've prioritized my professional life more than my student life
for the past two years and it might just be time to say screw this
job, screw networking, screw the future...let's just stay out late and
kiss a lot of boys and then go to class in the morning.