Be Cool.

I'm sure I have told you this before, but I will do it again because I
can. My (step) dad and I only talk about three things. Politics,
electronics, and cars. This is because we agree about these things and
there is rarely an opportunity for conflict to occur. We don't like
conflict because it reminds us that our personalities are exact
replicas of one another.

So when papa bought a new surround sound system for the family room I
got super excited because priorities in my life go some thing like
this; chocolate, automobiles, boys, electronics, food, sleep. And
since I had already fulfilled priorities one through three yesterday,
I of course agreed to assist in the installation of the shiny
expensive sound system.

The boxes all exclaimed;
Simple!
Easy!
Fool proof!

This is always a bad sign.
It means that the Japanese and Korean people who designed, developed,
and manufactured these products wish to mock you and make you feel
like the dumb American you are since (a) you just spent hundreds and
hundreds of dollars on plastic and (b) you think that buying
aforementioned plastic parts will somehow enhance your suburban life.

So there we were. Billions of pieces scattered all about the floor,
three adults scratching their heads in an attempt to decode the
pictorial instructions who illustrations oddly resembled the graphics
used in those "how to insert tampon guides" that you find in boxes of
feminine products.

Defying practicality, I proclaimed that I was just going to start
plugging shit into other shit, except I hope I said it more eloquently
than that but who knows. Two hours later I somehow managed to get all
twenty-five components working at the same time. I then asked my dad,
what channel he wanted to watch.

He said whatever channel has American Idol on.
I dropped the remote control and ran away as fast as I could.

Hi, my name is Lindsay and my gun-owning, SUV driving, corporate slave
father likes to watch American Idol.

In other news, I went to bed last night at 9pm and managed to fall
asleep in my work clothes. I woke up this morning utterly confused
because for some reason I could see the clock across the room and the
little cracks on my ceiling. I thought that my vision had miraculously
improved but really, I just forgot to take my contact lenses out
before I passed out. I am so cool.