I'll put your heart in a blender and watch it spin into a beautiful oblivion.

Today is one of those really special days about love and appreciation and good sex and over-priced dinners and ugly flowers and too much candy which makes me wonder why everyday should not be about those things.

Love is a silly concept anyway. I say concept on purpose because I don't think love is really an emotion or a feeling, it is a state of being that can probably be explained by a mathematical formula involving probability, conditionals, and a little random chance and if I were smart enough I would tell you what it was so that you could live happily ever after. Okay, so I would sell it to you for A LOT of money so I could live happily ever after too.

Love for me is a funny thing that sometimes catches me by surprise either because it comes so suddenly or disappears so hurriedly. One day I can be all like oh baby I love you lets move to the suburbs and adopt ten children from Africa and the next day I can be like ummm yea I am kind of bored with you, goodbye. The thing is, I don't like to feel safe and comfortable because when that happens it means I get restless and my mind gets too big for the confines of that static relationship and I start living on the inside instead of on the outside and so then one day I have to realize my imagination is far superior to this reality so I don't need you anymore.

And that's why they never understand how I get from lovelovelove to hatehatehate.

I think the solution is to have ten boyfriends, which is a concept suggested to me by my mother. Thanks mom! I have never been successful at managing more than three man friends at once because something usually gets in the way, like for example all three of them happen to live in the same dorm room. Yes, so I was a little Slutty McSlutSlut back in the day (Screetus, I am very good at making up names that belong on the dollar menu at McDonald's).

So I guess what I have been meaning to say is, have a happy and love filled day. I for one will try really hard since for the first time in my life I have an actual date.