I am totally developing an inferiority complex. It is because this boy is hott, yes with two Ts. I am just cute and a nerd and am convincing myself that perhaps I am not deserving of his hottness. He is smart too, it is way different when they are vapid. I am not going to lie, I am kind of enjoying this whole "well maybe he hates me" mentality since I am usually so certain that people just fcuking love me, yes fcuking, but I will still complain about it because that contributes to the vitality of my complex.
It is truly unfortunate that I have an impeccable memory for dialogue. For real, I can recall conversations had between myself and my first boyfriend in 5th grade. So I spend my days replaying conversations in my head between this boy and I (the hott one, not the 5th grader), trying to extract meaning from little phrases and kicking myself for sounding like such an imbecile at times.
In other news I have decided that my mom should be the next President of the United States, too bad she is Canadian and there is that whole silly law about being a natural citizen. She has my nomination though. The other day we were discussing how crazy two of her older sisters are and how unhappy they have been.
My mom goes "well there is a good reason for it but I'm not going to say it"and I am all like "Shit mom, I hate when people do that. It makes me want to strangle them. Just tell me already".
In other news I have decided that my mom should be the next President of the United States, too bad she is Canadian and there is that whole silly law about being a natural citizen. She has my nomination though. The other day we were discussing how crazy two of her older sisters are and how unhappy they have been.
My mom goes "well there is a good reason for it but I'm not going to say it"and I am all like "Shit mom, I hate when people do that. It makes me want to strangle them. Just tell me already".
"Fine, fine, fine" says my mom, "it is because they don't have sex".
"Why do you have to say things like that".
"Because mom and dad do it all the time" chimes in the younger sister. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.
I offer, "Well at least they love eachother, or something".
That was Lesson 1: Marry for physical attraction, not love or money.
In a discussion regarding my Grandma's deteriorating mental and physical state, my mom developed a wonderful solution to save the geriatric population from themselves. My mom believes that along with your retirement benefits at age 65, you should receive a regular supply marijuana. Coolest. Mom. Ever.
That was Lesson 2: When you are old and wrinkley you just need some of the green stuff.
Over Christmas dinner my thirteen year old sister was sharing stories about how her friends are all whores now. I know I know, it is another reason why people don't invite us to their holiday celebrations. My family is all kinds of inappropriate. But anyhow, she was talking about sex parties and how these little girls I used to babysit have no self respect. It was sad really and then it became really hilarious because my mom says "Honey, you can make-out with as many boys as you want, you can even do that here! Just promise me you don't become a whore too". I totally wish I knew that when I was younger, I would have spent a lot less time in the backseats of cars.
That was Lesson 3: It is totally okay to be a make-out whore AND you can even tell your mom about it.
That was Lesson 1: Marry for physical attraction, not love or money.
In a discussion regarding my Grandma's deteriorating mental and physical state, my mom developed a wonderful solution to save the geriatric population from themselves. My mom believes that along with your retirement benefits at age 65, you should receive a regular supply marijuana. Coolest. Mom. Ever.
That was Lesson 2: When you are old and wrinkley you just need some of the green stuff.
Over Christmas dinner my thirteen year old sister was sharing stories about how her friends are all whores now. I know I know, it is another reason why people don't invite us to their holiday celebrations. My family is all kinds of inappropriate. But anyhow, she was talking about sex parties and how these little girls I used to babysit have no self respect. It was sad really and then it became really hilarious because my mom says "Honey, you can make-out with as many boys as you want, you can even do that here! Just promise me you don't become a whore too". I totally wish I knew that when I was younger, I would have spent a lot less time in the backseats of cars.
That was Lesson 3: It is totally okay to be a make-out whore AND you can even tell your mom about it.
3 comments:
If you weren't in a large midwestern town, I'd likely pursue a make-out session with you. This evidences your hottness. Therefore, dispel the inferiority myth. Don't be ridiculous.
Little dubious American devotchka: if of boys by your place you are desire to impression, this in Russian joke to them enunciate:
Ekskursovoda v adu sprosili:
- Pochemu Gitler stoit v der'mye po sheyu, a Stalin lish' po poyas?
- Potomu shto Stalin vlyez na plyechi Lyeninu.
Unto the tour-guide in Hell they asked:
"Why stands Hitler in excrement up to his neck, but Stalin only up to his belt?"
"Because Stalin got up on Lenin's shoulders."
nk, I just love your logic.
wise anonymous commenter, you are too smart for me.
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