Nineteen hours ago

I have this funny habit of writing e-mails to myself. Sometimes to remind myself of things, other times to write things down that at the time must have seemed brilliant to some part of my brain. I have at least 36 pages of these things saved in gmail and also printed out and stuffed in my daily planner, which by the way has not been used since December but still manages to live in my purse. The collection as a whole is merely a demonstration of my madness and the randomness of my thought process. A lot of what you'd find on those pages is similar (read: exactly the same kind of crap) that you could read here.

At random moments, most of which occur during a bought of madness, I contemplate what would happen if I were to just die one day. Whomever found me, would they read through my daily planner and bear witness to the insanity I try to hide or would these thoughts and ideas just die with me? Would anyone ever come across this very sentence and would they say, oh how ironic is that?

I remember when a friend of mine got in a bad car accident, she said all that she was concerned with was if she remembered to put underwear on that day because she was worried that the paramedics would think she was a dirty whore if she hadn't. I sometimes think about that when I get dressed in the morning, as if the coroner would really judge my accessorizing skills as I lay cold and cut open on their steely chopping board. I don't know, if I were a coroner I'd probably make judgments on the fashion aptitude of those people.

So this week is officially "Ex-Boyfriend Week". Come to think of it, I must have major diplomatic skills if all those boys still talk to me. The month of August must also love me because it has granted me with more boy opportunities than I have had all summer, not that I'd re-date any of my boyfriends but they have friends that might be available! I swear, I missed the whole boy crazy phase of puberty so I'm just making up for it now or maybe I'm in my nesting phase...I pray to Satan that I am not.