I need a life

"Wouldn't it be great if we had kids?"

"No, really it wouldn't. I don't have any intentions of reproducing."

"That's the most selfish thing you've said in the last six minutes. I
mean, come on, they'd be like the hottest people ever."

"Yes and they'd be more conceited than Tyra Banks, smarter than
Einstein, more evil than Hitler, and more destructive than (long pause
to think, which can be difficult when inebriated) ...whatev----REALLY
LOUD SCREAM." As I tripped on the curb and could have sworn that I
broke my leg, the pain of which was overshadowed the next day by the
worst hang over minus the headache.

Can you imagine, mere hours before I swore off drinking, I even said
"this time for real". I always seem to do that, it just never works
out.

The pain is mysteriously gone and now I'm wondering if any of that
actually happened.