This feels better

I was originally going to write about the history of my love life sort of like a VH1 special and write I did, but I just wasn't satisfied by the mediocrity of my romantic relationships. In all truth, my love life definitely peaked in the early 1990's at the ripe age of ten or so. So, because I feel the need to write something, anything really, here is what I've come up with. A sort of unsent letter of sorts, because I am definitely too much of a coward to actually say what I mean to certain people. This of course is for various reasons, but most specifically I fear the sort of retaliation this sort of frankness might warrant and if I had a couple books to fill up I could certainly explain why my relationship with the person to whom this letter is intended is such a delicate balance of cat and mouse like interplay. We'll call her M for the sake of simplicity.

Dear M,
I have a sneaking suspicion that you might happen upon these words right here, since they were of course set out for the world to devour. I am fine with that and I think it's better that I allow you to read them this way instead of in a more direct and practical, albeit private, way. I am not often this honest with even myself but I think it is deserved in this situation.

Sometimes I am surprised that you make such requests and me, other times I am downright annoyed that you would even have the audacity to judge me like you do. Here is a subtle reminder, you, me, and "R" (who has previously been referred to as my bestest guy friend ever) have all been friends for the same amount of time. We've probably spent equal time taking part in adulterous activities with him and we both, in fact, did date him. And while your relationship with him may have been in some degrees more serious and he did treat you poorly towards the end of it, I don't think it warrants a request to stop seeing him especially since that was now more than three years ago and you have most definitely moved on. And if it is him that you hate, why do you speak to him on a regular basis?

And yes, we did sleep together once. I don't regret it but I wouldn't do it again. Things happen. I can think of a million times when you've done worse. I remember when you cheated on him. I didn't say a word and I don't think I've ever even brought it up. I admit, he isn't the most conventional friend and he's probably betrayed me on numerous occasions by telling you the things that occur between us but I think it's my judgment to make, not yours. Don't get me wrong, I'm very upset about what he told you happened on St. Patrick's day because it is so inaccurate. But what makes me that much more angry is that you even care. You're practically married to the man of your dreams and I don't understand why it matters what I do with an ex-boyfriend of yours who happens to be an ex-boyfriend of mine and STILL a friend of mine. Dare I say he's been more of a friend to me than you have these past few years while you've set up house down south.

Your argument might be valid in numerous other situations, but not here and not now. When you say that I lied to you, you're really off base. We didn't sleep together in March, well okay we slept in the same bed but I can assure you that nothing beyond 2nd base occurred. I'm sure you won't believe me because you'd much rather make yourself the victim here. I'm beyond the point of even caring. Maintaining this relationship is too much work for me especially if all you're going to do is spread pointless rumors about me to people I don't even talk to anymore. I don't need to hear about it. I'm done for real.