Sunday

Right now I should be writing a paper for one of my english classes but I'm not really in the mood to regurgitate my professor's lectures onto five pages of recycled paper. Mostly because doing so just seems dirty and unoriginal. There are days that I sit in that english class and think to myself "I could do this all day every day for the rest of my life", this being reading books and discussing them to some point of nothingness. Then I begin to imagine myself as a conservative neo-bohemian materialistic hippie type and realize that I couldn't humanly be all of those things at once. Somehow I imagine much to much self conflict and a lot of debt.

Still, I don't know. Maybe my place isn't in some stuffy boardroom with old men, even though I'm beginning to accept the reality of my most boring future. I was watching MTV (I know, bad decision) for maybe six hours on Saturday and there was a marathon of that dating show Next and there was one episode where the people were all earthy, crafty, and intellectual and all were studying things like graphic design, archaeology, and other fun things. It made me really sad actually. What on earth possessed me to commit myself to something that I don't want to do. Why on earth did I ever want to go to law school. I really don't know. I think I got caught up in the competitiveness of my classmates and didn't want to be the one wasting their life at fashion school.

Now, even though I'll still be 20 years old upon graduation, I think I've wasted too much time. For some reason I think it's too late to change my mind and that my options are dwindling. Ridiculous really. I think it might be time for serious self reflection and maybe even time to take a risk instead of choosing the most safe option. That's exactly my problem. I take the way that requires the least effort and the one that optimizes my comfort.