I love my guy friends with all of my heart. They're great drinking partners, provide adequate competition in a rousing round of Texas hold 'em, and they don't complain about how fat they are (usually). I am more than willing to aide them in their pursuit of womankind. I give good advice, I assess the quality of their prospects, I explain the mysteries of girls and I demonstrate helpful techniques like how to remove a bra with one hand. All in all, it is a blissful relationship with a good group dynamic that has stood the test of time many of my other relationships have failed. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I've crossed the line with many of these boys time and time and time again. Maybe it was convenience, loneliness, attraction...the reason doesn't matter to me because I'm the kind of person that doesn't regret things especially those as frivolous and innocent as the aforementioned events of line crossing.
Now, I firmly believe that relationships can't be defined by labels or a predetermined set of qualifying descriptions. I think it's more helpful to consider interpersonal relationships on a sort of continuum. Obviously no two relationships have the same dynamics. What is true or typical for me is probably not for you. I value my relationships with my male friends but I have a hard time determining if I should be calling them friends or just people I pass time with. I guess what I'm really asking is if it is possible for a male and a female to be platonic friends. Can and should elements of natural attraction be simply ignored or does that just create more tension? Maybe if I wasn't such a flirt or a tease or oozzzzing sex (just kidding) I'd be able to have less complicated relationships with my male friends. I mean, I don't have a problem with the flirtatious suggestions or the attempted seductions because I know when enough is enough and they do to. I'm not sure if I should just settle with that, if I should tolerate both mine and their disrespect for boundaries imposed by social institutions.
Maybe my dad was always right. I can't "just be friends" with men. But is it fair to say they have another motive or that they just keep me around for my girl parts? I'd like to think that they value something else but I just never can be sure, especially since the line between friend and lover has been blurred many times over. Or maybe I'm the bad guy, keeping the boys around because they provide me with attention and the comfort of the familiar. Either way, I'm making a commitment to myself to not settle and I think that maybe this is a good place to start. Perhaps I need to eliminate myself from the tension created within these relationships so I can discover a level of intimacy I have yet to experience. It might be time to move on to better things and onto new people.
4 comments:
"Can and should elements of natural attraction be simply ignored or does that just create more tension?"
--All I ask from my girlfriends when these things come up--whether it be to their faces or not--is for honest communication. So just talk about those things.
"I value my relationships with my male friends but I have a hard time determining if I should be calling them friends or just people I pass time with."
--Its a title I do not take lightly. Anyone that I do not comfortably understand, comfortably respect, or that I have to show uncomfortable faces to, I do award the title.
"I mean, I don't have a problem with the flirtatious suggestions or the attempted seductions because I know when enough is enough and they do to. I'm not sure if I should just settle with that, if I should tolerate both mine and their disrespect for boundaries imposed by social institutions."
--If I flirt, I want it. Maybe your dad is right there. I always want it when I flirt and if I flirt you can rest assured that I think about it all the time during socialization.
"But is it fair to say they have another motive or that they just keep me around for my girl parts?"
--your smart. You are definitely relationship material. Judging from that and your beauty, you may be intimidating to some boys.
"Or maybe I'm the bad guy, keeping the boys around because they provide me with attention and the comfort of the familiar."
--Its something that me and some of my closer friends consider very often. Don't think for a minute the idea doesnt cross guy's minds, THOUGH IT IS NOT NECESSARILY TRUE. It depends on the reasoning for teasing/flirting/tempting, conclusions that arrive in relation to guys expectations, etc.
"Perhaps I need to eliminate myself from the tension created within these relationships so I can discover a level of intimacy I have yet to experience. It might be time to move on to better things and onto new people"
--tension. yes, tension, the root of it all, eh?
Sounds like you have a pretty good grip on things to me, with nothing but the best intentions.
"oozzzzing sex"
--indeed. Attraction can be much more than beauty, but you have that one covered, too.
CORRECTION: i do not award the title. ouch. no freudian slip.
As you probably have figured out I am fond of over thinking most parts of my life and though answers to my questions may not neccesarily solve anything I appreciate that someone (you) at least tolerates and to some degree encourages my insanity. Because when it comes down to it, my insanity is what makes me quirky.
Perhaps I'm dirty, evil, and heartless or maybe that better describes my friends. Either way, the company one keeps is a good reflection of one's self. I should dare to say that I should stop worrying about my life and just live it but that wouldn't be any fun.
I don't think you sound insane at all. (???)
All of these things are questions that I have or do ask myself sometimes. Its just thinking and cognitation and its a part of who you are, assuring you this by stating that I know what you mean and I have heard similar things from other certain people. Its very deep, personal, honest thinking being communicated on your blog and if you asked anybody else, I'm sure they would tell you the same thing. You can see it in the structure, and your writing style is enjoyable. Show it to people and you may see relationships bloom (though you may be a bit shy to do so??); they'll understand more about you. Pure honesty is a beautiful thing.
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