123004

I am not a conformist in an obvious way but in a more metaphysical,
perhaps more limiting capacity. Straight out, I am a people pleaser.
Somewhere in the decision making process the entities of "you" and
"them" always seem to make an appearance. But ultimatley my ability to
be a pleaser of people serves self interest. I have always been keen
about recognizing how others connections might benefit my own flight
in life. So far, I've been successful at accomplishing the goals I've
set for myself and I think credit is due to the fact I have no problem
jumping between groups of people who satisfy my needs at any given
time. This leaves me a bit ungrounded and perhaps unconnected from
reality. Along with my inescapable aloofness it also results in the
alienation of certain individuals. I have few real friends, amongst
who there are even fewer that actually have the credibility to
honestly state that they know me.

I'm edgy, smart, and witty all on purpose. But really, honestly
beneath the vintage Bottega hand bag, Marc Jacobs ballet flats, and
couture I'm the girl from Nebraska that grew up with nothing. Insecure
in my own way and unsure of what I'll find tomorrow. Desperatley
grasping to some puzzle piece of reality wishing for whimsy and
romance whilst embracing a manufactured sense of poignancy and self
importance. Worried that no real man will ever satisfy my crafted
sense of idiotic perfection. Looking for someone to finally say no and
to refuse the bullshit and finding only men wanting to be leashed and
commanded. Trying to let go of dreams and accept my own designed
destiny.