I am a loser

Really truly I think I have relationship issues. Maybe it's because I analyze the life out of them or perhaps I'm just not ready for commitment. I am overly flirtatious to a certain fault. Most of the time I don't intend to flirt but it happens and it happens with everyone from your grand poppy to the waitress at Applebee's. I'd like to think it's just because I'm so bubbly and infectious but really I'm most likely neurotic. In a matter of days what I thought was a casual dating situation has taken a turn for the serious. This "relationship" is already getting on my nerves. I'm not the clingy, sentimental, romantic type in the least. Sure, there are times and places for those things but they don't come at the beginning of the relationship and I'm not accustomed to dealing with those aspects. I don't know why I keep getting stuck in situations where my man of the moment becomes obsessed and convinced that we're in love. It's gonna take a lot more than a couple of dates for me to want to settle down, move to the suburbs, and start reproducing like rabbit's. Before I even think of doing that I need to like at least know you for more than a couple of weeks.

It's a mistake I've made many times before. I have a knack for saying the right things and getting whatever it is my mind was set on. What began as an entertaining game of cat and mouse with a little leg here, some cleavage there, and more than a few "come hither" stares has turned into an out of control suffocating "I must be with you every waking moment" thing. It always starts out fun, the triumph of putting whoever you want at your mercy is an extremely attractive power trip. I told you I was crazy. It does get old though. There are times when all I want to do is sit around with the guys and watch the baseball game with a couple of cold beers but instead I've got to play the girlfriend and rent stupid movies and cuddle.

That is just not me. I need my share of space and it's really hard to find someone who genuinely respects that without feeling jealous or neglected. I'm probably one of the most laid back and easy going girls you'll ever meet. I'm not catty, obsessed with myself, needy, or anything of that sort. I know what I want (mostly) out of life and I've got a list of goals with my priorities set straight. I need a man who's smart, witty, driven, sarcastic, respectful, and knows how to put me in my place when I get out of line. I want a man who's not afraid to tell me he wants to spend the night with the guys. I just keep finding the wrong ones, rather settling for what's immediately available.

It's painfully obvious that I've got to clue this guy in. Leaving things in the current state would probably be devastating. I have no intentions of returning to school with the baggage of a long distance relationship. I have no time to maintain one, seeing as I'll already be balancing, VP duties at the sorority, twenty credit hours, and a full time job. Clearly I'll have to eliminate sleeping and still be without time for socializing. I guess I'll have to be the man and tell it like it is. I'm guessing he'll be pissed off, but maybe he's down for a month or so of good times. We'll see.