The end of me

I'm not so sure about all of you but I get the most done when I have a monsterous to do list sitting right in front of my face. Sometimes, provided that motivation and incentive are present, I am able to be productive for 12 hours straight, other times longer. But when I have only two finals and no other worldly obligations left I am more content to sit and look out the window or call my mom on the phone even though there are a few remaining deadlines looming. For some reason I've convinced myself that my last two exams don't deserve the attention they probably really do. I have decided that somehow I am magically prepared for both and can play a couple rounds of nintendo without guilt or regret. So what I'm saying is that I'd do a whole lot better if you just told me all of my finals were on one day because that way I'd have no choice but to study.

I like to turn nervous energy into productivity, which is a great thing except when I lack the nervous energy. Without it, there is no productivity. I turn into a lazy sloth and would rather sit in silence counting the bumps on the ceiling. So when I fail a bunch of classes this semester I can look back at this post and call myself an idiot. I'm really good at recognizing my faults but not so good at fixing them or attempting to change myself in the least bit. I like myself, if you don't it is your own problem. If only things really worked that way. I swear that I'd be a model citizen if only I weren't so lazy. It might help if I actually cared too. I guess I just don't see the point in giving the extra effort even though it would make a mountain of a difference.