Even though I feel completely retarded when I talk about relationships and my personal life I really don't have much else to say. I've tried the single life and it's been fun but I'm getting restless. It really be nice to fall asleep next to someone and know that they'll be there in the morning. I miss being in love. I've been loved many times, but I'm not sure if I ever genuinely returned that feeling. It makes me sad and even though I am only 19 years old I find myself thinking I don't have much time left to find Mr. Right. All I want, no matter how many times I deny it, is a nice little happy family. But honestly, I have other things which I should be concentrating on...like school. I'm still not certain that anything I ever do will make me happy. Without a purpose I am destined for complete chaos. So much has changed in the past month, I find myself being bitter and pessimistic more than usual. I feel as if I am without any friends. I guess I have people to go out with but they don't stick around for the end of the night when my emotions just kind of spill over the edges of my partially fake smile. It's really my problem, I have difficulty admitting things to myself and it's nearly impossible to get me to open up to another person.

It's my own fault that my relationships are so one sided. I have no problem listening, supporting, and advising any one of my friends, it's the one thing I'm actually good at. I just feel it unessecary to burden others with my unimportant issues. Besides, I don't want others to judge me. I like to carefully control my image. I show no emotion because emotions are weakness. I suppose it's just the way I was raised. Besides, I just prefer to keep it all neatly organized on the inside where atleast I can somewhat control and understand it.

SEMI MAJOR EVENTS
I got my nose pierced
I joined a sorority

Neither of those things are very Lindsay like...what am I turning into? I'm afraid to find out...